Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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