So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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