He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
