Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
