i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
