So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
