there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
