remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
