He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
