and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
