dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
