Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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