idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I cannot find my penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
