The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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