Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
