Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
