how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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