We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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