I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
As shirtless as possible
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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