Pappa wants mamma naked
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need moral support for this bender
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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