She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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