i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dicks are not precious.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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