Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
