So drunk its hurt
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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