i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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