bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
