the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
