so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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