I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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