We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
