The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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