I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My ass is underappreciated
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
