I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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