Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
