He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
