There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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