He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just googled if crying burns calories
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
