whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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