I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
