Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
