So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
