I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
