I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
