I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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