Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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