So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
