I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i would punch a child for taco bell
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
