It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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