well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize