She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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