I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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