Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
