thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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