all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
