Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
