As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
