he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
