Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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