are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
