Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
