I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
