This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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