I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
