Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
