playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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