She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
