guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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