that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize