We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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