You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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